Film Journal 2024: Sometimes I Think About Dying

Film Journal 2024: Sometimes I Think About Dying
Directed by Rachel Lambert


“Its tough, you know, being a person.”

“The more I think about the movie, the more I like it.”

If the overall execution of this film is uneven and disjointed at times, which is definitely felt in the films deliberate pacing early on, the vision for this film remains abundabtly clear. And the more the film goes on, the clearer, and stronger, it becomes.

I found the films visuals and its aesthetic captivating and mesmerizing. The way it weaves back and forth between different perspectives, using different camera shots and angles. The way it pauses to capture these staid external shots and moments, soaked as they are in atmosphere and imagery. Striking might be the best word.

These visuals also help to establish the tone, including employing a patient and curious approach to exploring the subject matter. It follows a young woman working at a menial office job, navigating a stated and ongoing struggle with social anxieties and inarticulated internal battles with depression. The way the filmmakers help to capture the essence of these things, including a willingness to sit in silence and in a plethora of awkward moments, is super effective. It demonstrates how such struggles can leave one feeling trapped inside their own mind. Which is what makes the different perspectives so poignant and important. Sometimes we get her vantage point, either of the world around her or of herself. At other points we see from the outside looking in at her, an element that establishes this tension between who she sees herself to be and who others see her to be. And then sometimes we see from the perspective of the camera, watching the whole in a more concrete and objective sense.

I really came to appreciate Ridley’s performance as well, tackling a sheltered and protected persona with care and sensitivity. Given how much her character closes herself off from viewpoints other than her own, something which she then keeps guarded and out of view from others in the film, the performance depends on her leaning into the subtleties, and Ridley manages to capture this so well, never allowing her character to slide into a singular conception or expression. She does a lot of work with facial expressions, especially with her smile, which becomes probably the clearest window into her emotions.

It’s not perfect, and it has a defintie indie vibe, for better or for worse in this case (for me I grew to appreciate it more and more as the film went on). It definitely is doing some interesting things on a conceptual and technical level though. Where it ultimately hit for me was in the way it helped to validate experiences with anxiety and depression as real and important.