What is Rosebud
A few years ago I began a New Years Resolution Plan called Rosebud. I heard about it on one of the travel podcasts that I follow. The process essentially looks like this:
Step 1: List Three Roses-
This is the stuff that I would consider the greatest strengths, successes or accomplishments of the past year, the stuff that has managed to blossom into a Rose.
Step 2: List One Thorn
This would reflect my greatest personal struggle of the past year.
Step 3: List Three Buds
Based on my “thorn”, this is a list of what I would like to “bud” into potential Roses in the coming year.
Step 4: Come up with a word for the year
This should be a single word that can help reflect the direction I want to head in the coming year, a single word that can give my year a theme or a recognizable focus and narrative.
Why Rosebud
I have been asked in the past, why three Roses but only one Thorn? Most of us don’t realize it, but it is often much more diffciult to come up with roses than it is thorns. Also difficult is learning how to speak about thorns in a way that imagines forward movement, seeing it in light of one’s potential for growth. It’s kind of like that old piece of advice that says when you are in an interview for a new job and they ask you about your weaknesses, always give a weakness that you can do something about.
The great part of the Rosebud system is that it allows one to document their struggles and their growth year by year as a kind of working and interactive diary. You can build on the previous year and form an ongoing narrative out of the successes, struggles and hopes. This is not about resolutions persay, at least not in the traditional sense, it is about making space for introspection and observation and forming that into perspective and potential. And it allows one to not just make goals, but to examine what those goals are actual about, the why of our goals.
With that in mind…
Looking Back at Rosebud 2024
My three buds:
- Figure out my hard conversations and make some hard choices
- Celebrate our 20th anniversary
- Invest in my local community
Reflection:
I made some of those hard choices and had some of those hard conversations. Those choices shaped the year going forward. It meant embracing changes in finances, trading that security for a job situation with less hours but a healthier atmosphere.
More choices await. Heading into 2024, I am navigating my first full season at this new place of employment and its financial realities. I continue to look for opportunities that can help make this present situation more sustainable in the long run.
The change in financial situation probably played a role plans for our 20th anniversary. Technically it falls in 2025 (January 8th), but the plan had been to utilize either summer or Christmas break in the hopes of going back to NYC (where it all started). This never happened. Our ability to make it happen has been crippled.
As far as the investment- equally a struggle. The changes in job plus entering a phase of anxiety and depression in the second half of the year left me unable to get forward movement and explore possibilities. Small steps don’t get anywhere fast, because I am finding that the “community” is an exclusive inner circle that is difficult to break into and unfortunately reflective of some much of society- built for accomplished type A’s. This is true even for the local arts industry, which is where I would most natural fit.
Looking Ahead: Rosebud 2025
Three Roses
- Making changes in my work situation
- Continuing to push myself to embrace solo travel
- Making concerted efforts to readjust life to care for and respond to challenges our pups are having
One Thorn:
- The inability to keep things from spiraling out of control when it comes to my anxiety. The second half of this year has been a steady progression of losing all sense of agency, ability and hope. I made some movement on the big things, but my neglect of the small things have created a fresh set of big things, all of which now feel expressly out of my control. And I don’t do well in these seasons.
Three Buds:
- Find a way to reoconfigure my current work situation into something with long term sustainability
- Take a first step in regaining agency and control, beginning with reclaiming this blogspace as an important part of my ability to process.
- Reclaim time and routine, beginning with getting rid of certain social media presences which have allowed me to escape the weight of my anxieties
Word of the year: Reclaim
Summary:
The difficulty with my present work situation is that the financial struggles pair with the present demands of our current phase of life. What I do (school bus driver) affords me the necessary schedule to be able to be at home during the day and care for our dogs whom have specific needs and demand certain responsibilities. Finding ways or other opportunities to pursue a better financial siutauom compromises those responsibilities. That’s the present dilemma being presented.
Making sacrifices to fit our present financial situation compounds other things, both in terms of future plans and for present demands. Any unexpected detour (car problems, house problems, health demands and vet bills) carries that much more weight, and the ability to dig out of the holes these things consistently create becomes that much more challenged. To put things in perspective, I have had to adjust to living on more than $1000 less a month than I used to get. Thus why my options above create such a dilemma.
That and the things being sacrificed along the way become the things that help afford me some mental and psychological stability (the ability to escape to the movies, to keep up with the latest theology books that typically are not accessible through the library, the ability to dream about potential travel plans, even if they are small). It’s all interconnected.
Things thus far have been managing. What hasn’t been managing is the slow accumulation of the small things which spiral into big things. Big things that cripple my ability to do anything about anything. Thus, when everything feels out of control, it feels to me the way forward is to focus on one thing. To find one thing that I can control and to reclaim that space. Hence my three buds and word of the year.
The Stories of my Life 